I Might Meet a Dog

A old friend of Erin’s sent her a hilarious TikTok song Jimmy Fallon and Kristen Bell did together because it reminded her of my wife. 
I sent it out to Venue Team Leads on Slack (normally reserved for more? important things like new Venue Building design or equipment) because it was funny. 
One hundred percent true too. Chorus? “I might meet a dog today”. 
Now I’m the first to say I’m not really an animal person. My heart doesn’t beat faster when I see one unless I’m in personal danger, and I’ve never said during the course of my week “Guess who I met today?” when the “who” was an animal. 
I don’t think of animals as someone you meet, rather something you see. Example: Did I meet two dogs being walked by (who cares) on my walk this morning? No, I met a guy walking two dogs I saw with him. Huge difference. 
This morning was a perfect example walking around the man-made pond in Coopers. I rounded the corner, saw an older couple a half block away, smiled and waved to them. 
Erin? She didn’t see the older couple because she wasn’t looking for humans. 
I looked over at her and said “You going to wave babe?”, thus interrupting her “meeting” the local goose and muttering sweet nothings to it along the lines of “Heeeeyy Goosie!! Good morning!!! Are you a good boy??” and other nonsense. Geese aren’t boys, they’re, well, geese. 
I’ll get back from a walk and say “Guess who I met today?”, and Erin will assume it’s some sort of Retriever and be instantly jealous. When I say an obviously human name and clarify it wasn’t a dog she loses interest. 
I used to think Erin was geared towards people, but now I know the truth… that she’s geared towards people who remind her of animals.
Ergo I must remind her of an animal and let’s hope the animal is a decent one…
Some of the song lyrics: Summer mornings got me feeling kind of low… all I want to do is stay in bed. Then I remember something worth living for I throw my covers off and run out the door. Cuz I might meet a dog today, I might see a dog and be like “Heeeeyy!”When I pet the dog I’m gonna say..”Excuse me sir, are you a good boy? Are you a good BOOOOYYYY? Yes you are!!! You’re a sweetie boy! You’re the king of the sweeties!! You’re the lord of AAALLLLL the sweeties!!!”
And so on… 
It’d be sad if it wasn’t so cute watching Erin learn how to play it on the ukulele and get every single ridiculous nuance spot on. I just smile and chuckle softly to myself. 
I think it was my aunt that asked us when Erin and I were closer to “newly married” than we are now “What is your favourite animal?”
“Tiger!” I said.“Golden Retriever!” She said. 
“Now what are your three favourite things about that animal?”
Erin: “They’re loyal, easy to train, and good with kids!” (and I’m decently sure she said they liked being scratched behind the ears). Corey: “They’re focused, powerful, and you don’t see them coming until it’s too late!”
Now before the spoiler alert, just take a moment and think of your favourite animal and three reason why… 
I’ll wait while you think. Just want to give you a minute here…
Whoever asked us the questions then brought the surprise: “Those are your three favourite things about yourself:)”
I’ve done this same fun exercise dozens of times since then and it’s both funny and uncannily accurate in most people. 
My buddy Shawn described himself (a cheetah) as “fast and sexy!” And he is!
My brother Ryan said he liked sharks (?) and then something alarming about “feeding frenzy” or “blood bath” or “vicious”, which could be argued is true if you’ve ever played Monopoly against him. One time I had piles of property but no complete set of anything and offered him four great pieces just to complete one of my sets. 
“No” he said, eyes dulled over with no human compassion. 
I’ve heard hilarious descriptions about cats “having cute faces” to chipmunks “because they stuff food into their cheeks”. 
“My favourite animal is a fainting goat because they are at the bottom of the food chain, they panic, and they look like idiots” said no one ever.
I think Erin likes dogs in particular because dogs aren’t complicated like people are. Sure a Golden Retriever might chew up a shoe or two, but they don’t wake up one morning and are like “I’m tired of this family, think I’ll try a different one.” or “I no longer care if my person likes me or not.”
Dogs are decently happy with a roof over their heads and food in the bowl. And maybe an argument could be made that what makes them happy is that they are geared towards making their people happy, something humans could probably learn. 
Cats, on the other hand can be jerks… Sure I’m allergic to them, but owning a cat makes no sense to me. Let’s feed and pay for animals who ignore us and act like they’re better than we are?? No thanks. 
Cats: “I might let you pet me if you’re good”. Dogs: “Oh master! What a wonderful idea! You always amaze me with your wonderfulness! Please oh please scratch behind my ears and send children to maul me! I would love to eat anything you drop on the floor and consider it a privilege to be here! Just don’t be disappointed in me today! I’ll be a good boy!!”
That’s more like it…

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