The Zombie Shot

Ok so I’ve never had a flu vaccination in my life, for the record. 
I’m unsure I’ve ever had the flu because Kopes don’t get sick or think we can or recognize if we are. 
I thought it would be interesting to walk the tightrope of polarization and have a laugh at the whole vaccination thing, so here goes…
Our family was recently vaccinated. I’m decently sure we weren’t injected with a government tracking device or the mark of the beast (cue odd religious people), but the reason I’m decently sure is something Christian Hip Hop mogul Andy Mineo said that I’ll paraphrase:
Why would they inject you with a tracking device when you carry one around with you already? (while holding his iPhone)
He’s not wrong:)
Is the vaccine the mark of the beast? The mark of the antichrist? 
I think some of us watch too many movies about marks of beast and stuff..
It’s just a flu shot. 
I will be honest and say it should not be forced on anybody “for their own good” because that’s ridiculous unless you’re talking about four year olds who don’t want to eat their vegetables. 
I think we’re all tired of being treated like four year olds. 
I friend of mine who wasn’t covid scared in any way recommended the vaccine to me and, being his realm of expertise, gave me some good thoughts about it and I took his advice. 
There was another reason our family got the shot and it was maybe the main reason: WE WANT OUR FREEDOMS BACK. 
The shot seems to be the only way to do that. I don’t like it, but it is what it is. 
Even the hard line vaccine people should eventually just get to the point where they’re like “If you want to risk dying of covid without the vaccine we’re opening the province anyways!”, rather than taking some moral high road of forcing people who they think are too stupid to make their own decisions because they feel like there hasn’t been enough information about covid available to them? 
I don’t think I’ve had a single conversation in 15 months where covid hasn’t come up, so I’ve decided the next time someone says “covid” I’m going to just look puzzled and say “What’s that?” and video their facial response.
Part of me hates the covid vaccine because it comes in needle-form and I’m more scared of needles than I am of covid (sorry, but it’s the way I feel. Most people are more afraid of public speaking than dying, but I public speak all the time and feel quite good about that:).
If you put the vaccine in Skor bar form I’d be vaccinated like a million times already, but because Hinshaw knew I personally didn’t jump on the “let’s panic and freak everybody out” train, she’s had a vendetta to force me to get a needle somehow. She’s a very dark lady that way. 
One could point out I have tattoos but I just told myself “It’s not a needle, it’s a burning metal stick” and that seemed to satisfy my brain. 
I think my fear of needles may come from the scene in the original Star Wars where Vader enters the princess’s cell with a round needly thing and she looked scared. The thought of cold, slender, metal sharp things going into my body has freaked me out ever since. 
Then he blows up Alderaan anyways. (Like if Hinshaw blows up the Stampede after giving me a needle, I’ll ride a horse downtown and fire six guns in the air because I definitely own both and am not allergic to horses:)
The only thing worse than that needle was that bloody covid test where I drove up and Hinshaw was standing there (100% true as long as there are no follow up questions), leaned over to the nurses in the car line and said “Put away the swab, get out the nose thing”. (Medical terms)
Man. Someone medical explain to me how singing in church can spread covid (yeah right!) but it takes a fourteen inch medical spike into one’s nose to see if there’s any on the back of your brain??
“This might tickle a little” the nurse said while smiling. 
Then Hinshaw walked over, got out the Medical Mallet and beat the nose thing into my brain just to make sure I learned my lesson about distrusting hospitals. Like I spent enough of my childhood in hospitals and had nearly forgotten their existence until last year (I personally can’t wait to going back to not caring what AHS thinks, before they make me try to cram my youngest girl who can now go to Venue Youth back into a booster seat in the car because she still doesn’t weigh 80 pounds or something ridiculous). 
THAT’S a great conversation for her psychiatrist twenty years from now. “Just when I thought I was out, they PULLED ME BACK IN!!!” (Everything ends up Godfather:)
So Erin, Arwen and I had Moderna because they ran out of the other one and I couldn’t spell it anyways. A very nice pharmaceutical lady injected my arm and then had the nerve to tell me to help out my wife around the house so my “arm wouldn’t get sore” by loading the dishwasher or something, which was a surprise because Erin looked like she didn’t know her at all, but women everywhere hunt in packs. 
Did I help load the dishwasher? I have no idea because my arm was sore and I can only think of one thing at a time and didn’t write down the dishwasher thing. 
She made me sit there for 15 minutes to see if I was going to die or whatever, probably because I threatened to sue them if I did, while I did my best to make my needle experience something SHE would never forget. 
Last week I drove my other three girls to the Polaris clinic and was running late because I was running late, so I called and let them know I was five minutes behind, but then made certain we were clear on one item that had been troubling me….
“Look” I said, “If my kids turn into zombies from this vaccine thing, I’m leaving them there. I just don’t want you to be surprised by that.”
I could hear the receptionist laughing as I hung up. 
Just before she traded the vaccine needle for the zombie virus needle…
I miss my little zombies. 

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