Long Haulin’

So when we went back a year in time to cave-living with the recent baffling shutdown, Venue’s live experiences (and every church in the province) were deemed both unsanitary, non-essential and unconstitutional by the powers that be, while liquor stores and the ever present Walmart, which hold people’s bodies, souls and minds together so well remain open, the Kope family decided to go camping for a week. 
Might as well, nothing makes sense anymore anyways so we thought we might as well dishonour the memory of our pioneering forefathers and live like we don’t own perfectly good houses with perfectly good televisions.
That’s my thing against camping if we’ve never met by the way, I disagree with any camping except “glamping” (defined as camping in a trailer the size of your regular house with all the ensuing amenities). 
So friends of ours way up north have a big property and a holiday trailer and invited us to use it in the hopes of escaping both covid in the wilderness and its seemingly endless drama, and having a little fun along the way until it’s decided for us that covid has a higher infection rate to anyone having fun… 
Plus our family needed a break desperately. Most people I know are extremely frustrated as they have slowly come to the inevitable realization over the last fifteen months that nobody knows what the heck they’re doing but have managed to keep their jobs while the rest of us are hounded in just trying to function, as businesses and families. 
I think if my grandfather who fled here from the Ukraine for the sake of religious freedom had showed up now, he might have kept on keepin on. 
It’s funny, every paragraph I keep saying to myself “You should write Rant Over now!”, but it like a toothache that nobody is legally allowed to talk about or get fixed, and the dentist is really not a dentist. 
So we went back to church online, which is extremely difficult getting people the care they need, however great our online experience is.. 
Anyways… rant over:)
I rented a U Haul trailer, loaded my two motorcycles in it and the luggage of five Kope women (considerable) and headed up north. 
As I write this now, my wife Erin is learning how to drive with a trailer for the very first time. 
We’ve backed a trailer into campsites together (by together I mean Erin standing directly behind a trailer giving directions where I can’t see her and me yelling incoherently out the window), before we discovered it was best to do it with my oldest daughter because she actually follows directions (cough cough) and I mind my manners like a big boy. 
Growing up in the trades I learned how to drive all sorts of trailers with all sorts of sketchy safety issues in almost ridiculous scenarios over the years. 
Me: “You know none of the lights work, and it’s December and dark, and also snowing…”
Foreman: “Backroads?”
A hundred backroads later we always seemed to manage to get the job done and not die, which is always nice, but we learned the language men in that world speak: GRUNT. 
Now to be fair, when I first explained to my wife what her role was in helping me back up trailers it was along the lines of how I was trained: 
“MMmmphf? Just point where you want it to go??? Not rocket science.”
In hindsight, a proper training session only takes maybe sixty seconds, but we never seemed to have sixty seconds on the job site. 
The first “training session” turns quickly into “JUST POINT!”, while Erin, who doesn’t perform well under pressure begins gesticulating with her arms as if she’s either climbing a tree insecurely or dancing to a latin song I can’t hear. 
Then she remembers I can’t see her behind the trailer and steps over there because there’s less emotional pressure, but then freaks out when I just keep backing because I figure she’ll yell something before I back into something. 
Sadly, as tragic as this is for our marriage, let’s say it’s far nicer than I was ever treated learning something in my old career. 
Training I had for towing a trailer? 
“If you can’t do it stay home and I’ll hire someone else”
Me: “I can totally do it:)”
Boss: “I had a feeling you’d say that”
Erin has been driving for a half hour now, and though she’s not going to break any speed records by any stretch (which is the whole point of driving), she’s doing a pretty good job of it. 
I can’t tell her that of course because she might drive even slower, but sometimes it’s cute when she does what she’s always done when nervous: ask questions she knows the answer to so she doesn’t get in trouble. 
She just said “Do I turn here?” insecurely when google maps very clearly said “Turn right now”, so I looked over, smiled and said “Driving with a trailer doesn’t change how google maps works babe”. 
She smiled uncertainly and kept driving slowly. 

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