Masks and Bank Robbers

I’m an optimist. 
If I’m shovelling something nasty I’m looking for a pony…
Now as a child I was a pretty severe asthmatic so wearing a mask is not something that I find fun, particularly when I’m uncertain masks do anything to help with viruses according to the types of research that develops and critiques approval of drugs etc. I think they make us feel safer and maybe that’s not a bad thing right now. 
Personally they make me alternate between amusement and anger, especially when trying to snack or see through fogged glasses. I need a non fogging, wear-it-while-you-eat mask. I used to have one called a NO MASK. 
It occurred to me the other day that though flattening the covid curve has definitely caused damage on multiple fronts of economy, sanity, logic, friends who don’t let friends disagree with them because it’s hurtful, and non covid related health, there is a hidden gem that will undoubtedly erupt in a plethora of movies I believe will be referred to as “The Covid Era”. 
Namely, movies about Bank Robbers.
Think about it. All the time a bank robber spends trying to find the perfect mask? The resources allocated? The committees and in fighting? Gorilla Versus Ski??? 
Finding a mask you can both see out of and breath in would be a nightmare. Bank Robbers who wear glasses are people too so what about them? I can’t stomp around and say “Get on the ground!” and fire a gun in the air properly if I can’t see anything! I might shoot something useful, and yelling stuff requires healthy breathing and this needs a great deal of consideration. 
Then you’d have to practice gun/ outfit recognition when yelling at each other in the midst of the chaos when you can’t recognize if you’re talking to Bag Holding guy or the Bank Vault Blower Upper guy. 
Or girl. My bad. I feel like Bank Robbery movies have come a long way with equality of the sexes. 
I’m really only speaking of Baby Driver right now. Girls can rob banks too, especially good looking psychotic ones (still locked into Baby Driver). Remember… I have four daughters and tell them everyday they can be whatever they want to be, including bank robbers because I don’t want them to sue me for whatever it would be called if I wouldn’t tell them what they wanted to hear. 
Also I’ve heard of kids divorcing their parents and have been trying to get my kids to do it so they can move out and pay their own bills, but officially if they want to be bank robbers I should support them so it couldn’t be said I was a big meanie. 
Could it be that bank robbers created covid in the first place? Absolutely they did! They also can’t defend themselves because they’re technically not allowed to admit they’re bank robbers, so they’re the perfect target for criticism.  
I know exactly what happened. Bank Robber Leader has the perfect plan from the timing of the security guard shifts to the layout of the bank but encounters a problem: when exiting the building his (or her) team will be the only ones wearing masks and the only ones subsequently who get shot in the face by SWAT. 
What to do what to do… If they try to remove them outside a camera will pick them up, if they keep them on their ensemble will continue screaming “I’m (obviously) a bank robber! Shoot me in the face!”
The only logical solution would be to find an ingenious way of getting everybody to either sprint down the street with a gun and a sack of money with a dollar sign on it, or simply wear a mask?
Hence the future outbreak of Bank Robbery movies of the covid era… 
There’s really only one major problem and that is sustainability of their devious business plan. Sure it will create a natural windfall of unobstructed cash flow for a few months, but the more complicated projection for profit drifts away because their invention of covid itself cleaned people’s money out of the banks. Then the only reason they have to go to the bank is the only reason I go, to drink free coffee, chat up the staff who get paid for being nice to me, and case the joint for when it’s worth robbing. 
Now before you demand swift and unreasonable justice for these unethical monsters, I’d like to be the voice of reason (cough cough) and remind everybody:
Bank Robbers are people too. 
Oh and girls can be bank robbers if they want to. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s