“Hey, what’s your Enneagram?”

The latest rage in the journey to self discovery is the Enneagram.

Self discovery is always a little risky. Finding out WHY I’m an idiot doesn’t make me not an idiot, but it’s still all the rage because we’re gluttons for self indulgent punishment.

It’s like watching a train wreck, you can’t take your eyes off it.

Enneagram differs from most personality tests (which I actually love) in that it is a journey to discovering your motivators (also scary). I know we all inherently assume our motivations are A. pure and B. normal, but I think we get into it because A. we have too much time on our hands and B. we enjoy funny personal pain.

Why do you think the way you think? Why do you do what you do?

The younger people are, the less discerning I find them at times, proving that access to more information does not necessarily make it easier to decide on the right thing. What’s very popular now is Analysis Paralysis: kids with too many options and no filter helping them actually pull the trigger on something. Meaning they hang out at home waiting for the best option to appear while they’re friends are actually out doing something until they do what they do every night: binge Netlix or play video games.

Here are your Enneagram options for being put in a box and told what to do and how to feel until the next best thing comes out:

1. The Reformer. Idealistic and a self controlled perfectionist. It reminds me of me until it doesn’t.
2. The Helper. Caring and generous (until they’re not. Every enneagram has a dark side. I just enjoy saying dark side, reminds me of Star Wars)
3. The Achiever. Adaptive, driven, success oriented, sexy. (I added the last word because my 3 is high and I assumed the word sexy was missed by accident, so I corrected it for them. Who is THEM? I don’t care because my 3 is high and we’re allowed to add things to make them awesome).
4. The Individualist. Sensitive, artistic, weird (I added this because it’s a shortcut that would describe the flavour of ice cream they would likely eat, in my opinion. Is my opinion worth anything here? See #3 above)
5. The Investigator. Intense, cerebral, researcher. Loves learning and “self improving for the sake of self improvement” (quotations added for sarcasm).
6. The Loyalist. Committed, security oriented, responsible, boring, box checker off-ers, what’s the right thing to do-ers. People who keep me on track and talk me out of doing crazy fun stupid things because I’m bored.
7. The Enthusiast. Busy, fun loving, distractible, not a threat in nuclear war because they’ll push the wrong button.
8. The Challenger. Self confident, decisive, powerful. I may also have some of this, though Canadian culture has messed me up by teaching my how to be “nice” and “politically correct”.
9. The Peacemaker. WWEKD. Easygoing, self effacing (whatever the heck that is), agreeable. What Would Erin Kope Do? It took two years of marriage to figure out she actually didn’t care which restaurant we ate at, which is great because I always care.

The jury is still out on my wife Erin because I see a lot of Helper in her which is amazing because people tell me all the time I “need help”, but also she’s just ok and at peace with life and I’m never ok with anything.

You might notice if you have any expertise in the Enneagram that the descriptions above may or may not be accurate in any way because I obviously just pieced words together from the first thing I found online because neither 3 or 8 care about anything but fun and results, which is also why the descriptions are funny:) If I was a 5 there would really be no excuse, but I’m not…

So my fun and results driven solution to educating Venue (and Airdrie if it enjoys things like fun and results) is to fly a friend of mine from San Antonio in this weekend to preach about it because I think it would be really helpful in connecting people with people and people with God. Basically I see the need but don’t have the patience to research it myself aaaand I think Texans are funny. Win Win!

Will he correct my misconceptions? Undoubtedly. I’m adaptable so whatever.. By the time a NOT 3/8 or whatever the heck I am has attempted something once, I’m on my fourth try and have it pretty well figured out.

So come out this weekend, or enjoy the much less interactive video podcast online if you’re out of town enjoying our one month of nice weather? If video is out you can always listen to the audio podcast online with my other content if you find my face offensive (some people do), just search Corey Kope with a blindfold on. It should do the trick.

So here’s to my buddy Landon Kyker from San Antonio hopefully telling my wife that my love language is “making out” and that she should Help(er) me make Peace(maker) with that.

That or he can take the bus back to Texas.

Airplanes are for closers Landon.