“Dad! There’s a Montana’s in Airdrie now! We should go for my birthday! Kids eat free on Tuesdays!”

….further proof that marketing works on children…. No need to thank me Montana’s or send me a gift certificate. No need at all:)

Now it should be noted that we’re not super into the cowboy scene as a family, but we are into eating ribs. And our budget is into eating ribs when our little gals eat for free. I don’t even register an opinion about what I want to buy until I have a dollar sign attached to it.

This causes the odd fight in our marriage of course.

Erin: “Do you like this jacket?”

Me: “How much is it?”

Erin: “I don’t know”

Me: “I don’t know if I like it then”

Erin: “But do you like it?”

Me: “I don’t know yet. How much is it?!” Etc etc…

Erin: “What do you feel like eating?”

Me: “Let me look at the prices (opinion pending).”

If you don’t put prices online, good luck getting me in the door. That, friends, is an ambush. Only a fool walks into an ambush.

Also if you don’t have specials I’m not comin. I HATE paying full price for things unless it’s something Erin doesn’t want me to have (“Tools cost money Erin, but they make money”), and I hate feeling like the other eight billion people who walk in and pay full price for a meal.

Heck, I’ll order the special even if I don’t like the special. If I’m paying less than I should I feel special, and when I feel special everything tastes better. I’m very complicated.

So we cheated at Montana’s and bought one extra large entree for Erin and I to split and one for our two older girls, just enough to get two free kids meals. When my devious brain devised that plan it sang the hallelujah chorus, until we show up next week and the manager is like “Oh. It’s YOU!” and seats us in the men’s washroom..

Whatever. My budget still wins. And when my budget wins we go back to the same place.

So Erin and Neela share a birthday (though they are several years between them. I’m not allowed to say more) and we went to Montana’s for ribs to celebrate. The food was crazy good, and I hurt their supply of different bbq sauces that some fool server left on the table, but there was more:

They actually hired a magician on Tuesday. And this guy actually knew magic!

Whenever I watch a movie or see a magic trick I have this four year old shock and awe about me. WHAAAAAAAATTTT? How on earth! Where did that come from? What did I miss!!!?

I can watch the same movie fourteen times and be pleasantly shocked by the ending every single time. Erin’s favourite way to wreck it is “How could you forget the butler did it again?”

Me: “The butler did it?? Why would you tell me???”

The magician was great with kids too, even big ones like myself. He had us all laughing out of control by the time we were done, which is hard to do because I’m quite a dignified and respected individual in the City who has never at any time done anything really stupid and embarrassing and put it online. Ahem. Like every sermon I’ve ever preached…

I really want to try and Erin-wreck the surprise for the magic tricks when y’all go, but the truth is I have NO IDEA HOW HE DID IT! It’s just magic!!!

I’ve always believed in magic, even growing up in very religious circles where it was firmly believed by some that merely mentioning the word magic somehow let the devil steal your soul. Harry Potter? The Antichrist for certain!

My objections to Harry Potter are more along the lines of I refuse to be a fan of someone who’s such a dork. Also I have this dignified illusion to maintain…

When I was in my twenties I was asked by a customer how my electrical install actually worked. I responded “Magic?” with a shrug of my shoulders. He laughed. Then my very serious religious boss pulled me aside and reprimanded me because that was “no way for a Christian to talk”.

He’d roll over in his grave if he was dead if he found out I was a pastor now. I’m sure my “prison tattoos” (I’ve never been to prison) would bring down some form of wrath if he wasn’t certain you only get tattoos in prison.

So, in spite of the possibility of my soul being stolen by the magician making balloon animals we laughed as a family like we haven’t in awhile.

Upon arrival at home Neela said “Dad, can I google Magic Tricks?”

I was like “NEVER!!!!”

You’ve got to be careful about stuff like that:)

2 thoughts on “Montana’s

  1. This was fantastic! Your humor rings through and makes the tough lessons (You know you’ve been hitting home A LOT lately) not quite as hard to take. Thankful forever for Jasmin convincing me I could in fact go somewhere full of new people and make it out alive on the other side. Keep doing what you do! Venue is amazing!

    Sincerely, *Katherine Currie* 587-830-3064


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