Our friend Angela made a horrible mistake.
First, she decided friendship with me was a good idea.
Second, she left her phone at a campfire unattended.
I would like to take a moment to say that men can’t be trusted to be responsible when there are more than two of us together, especially when you remove the female influence.
If you’ve ever watched The World’s Dumbest ____ (anything), you may have noticed that it’s largely a group of males trying their best to weed themselves out of the population. It’s like common sense is replaced with “you don’t want people to think you’re a coward do ya?”
Years ago another friend of mine left her FB account logged into a computer I was using when her husband and I had some work to do on it. Did we monkey with her FB profile? Yes we did. No longer was it the poetic, meaningful nonsense she had created but rather a ramped up, over the top version of how amazing her husband was.
Was it funny? Yes. For us anyways.
So we were celebrating a friend’s birthday and all the girls left to go do something we weren’t invited to, and I thought: How can we utilized this freedom in the best possible way?
Almost like an answer to prayer (almost:), I spied her phone out of the corner of my eye. The rest of the story wrote itself.
“Maybe we should change the language?” Said a trustworthy co conspirator.
“Wait. How can we get it back to English if the instructions are in a language we don’t speak?”
“We could use Spanish?” Said John from Spain. “Then we can probably guess?”
“Is it an iPhone?” Said another. “Then we can just use another iPhone to copy and put it back.” Brilliant.
This last suggestion lead us to a whole unexplored avenue of languages. Mostly ones with non Latin letters. At this point, we were leaning towards the languages of the Orient and landed on Chinese.
Chinese Simplified? No, we wanted Angela to have a challenge.
Chinese Traditional? Maybe.
Chinese Traditional Hong Kong? Bingo. It met all the criteria.
Next we decided her FB profile needed a little spice, but we don’t read or write in Chinese Traditional Hong Kong, so we had to copy another iPhone and change it back to English.
Then I opened FB. Her intro was lovely and profound and completely unsuitable for what we were thinking. Of course being men, we thought we’d help out a brother by writing about her husband. So we landed on something like “All I can think about is making out with Matt. Seriously.”
It was heartfelt, touching and maybe even true. No need to thank us Angela. It was our pleasure.
We left it on there until the next day, then I texted a bunch of people and asked them if they wouldn’t mind leaving their thoughts on her FB page, which they did because we all look out for each other and try to help other people’s marriage in the usual ways, which was exactly what this was.
All in all it was a successful evening. Oh and there was birthday food so all the boxes had been checked for the men anyways.
I think I’ll wait a couple of days before sending her a text from someone who’s contact in her phone used to say Corey Kope,
But now is someone much more important:)