I’ve been on the hunt for a new / old vehicle to replace my wife’s child-destroyed suburban, and placed an ad on Kijiji trying to sell it.

I’ve noticed some things about Kijiji. It’s full of Trolls.

A FB troll is someone who has too much time on their hands and would rather criticize people and issues they know nothing about while accomplishing as little as possible with their own lives.

(An accurate statement always hurts a little. Feel free to troll this article, I always need a good laugh:)

A Kijiji troll is a little different. They are glorified garage sale people (you might be one) who live for only one purpose: to see how little they can offer to pay for something that they have no money to buy.

Garage sale people could be described by some (that always means the author) as “people who enjoy sifting through and purchasing other people’s crap”. My wife is a garage sale person, but don’t tell her I said that. Not because I don’t say it, but because she hears it all the time from me anyways and doesn’t need to hear it from you.

I personally hate other people’s stuff. Heck, I hate most of my own stuff and wish I could get rid of it, but I live with five women who have “sentiment” or something attached to all our crap.

“My great aunt’s neighbour gave that to me when I was thirteen! We can’t get rid of it!”

Me: “They can’t be mad if they’re dead! They don’t have feelings anymore, and who cares anyways!?”

Having said all this we’ll purge all of our “used treasures” in the annual Coopers Crossing Garage Sale May 26, so please come and buy or steal whatever you can so I don’t have to look at it anymore…

It could be said that I have zero emotional attachment to things, and the world’s worst memory to boot, so if I don’t wear the nasty Christmas sweater you bought me last year when you come over, it’s not because I have a better clothing option, it’s because I don’t care.

Having said that I certainly do care about my vehicle because that’s just different. You see, back in the day men had to ride horses to war so they needed to be A dependable and B expensive. Buy a cheap horse and you might as well blow yourself up with your own cannon!

It’s the same today with our cars, but less about safety and more about nice options. If it doesn’t make sense it’s because you’re emotional and men are more logical.

“Honey, do we really need a truck with an uplink to the NASA satellite for an extra $5,000?”

“Uh yeah, unless you want no warning when a satellite gets hit by an asteroid and falls on us while we’re driving!!!!”

Seriously girls, it’s a wonder you’re all still alive!

“But why do we need four separate sunroofs for $10,000?”

“Well, if we’re unable to drive through the mountains and enjoy God’s creation, WHAT ARE WE REALLY TEACHING OUR KIDS ERIN???”

Sorry, a bit of a slip there.

Back to Kijiji.

The last thing we needed was an app that allows people to garage sale with less effort.

“Hmm. $25 seems like a lot for that dresser. Would you take 25 cents?”

If you try offering Pastor Erin that at the Coopers sale you will be punched in the throat. But the reason you have the courage to be cheap is because it’s not a person you’re talking to on Kijiji, it’s K-bqu425#$$2.

Robots don’t have feelings and don’t understand things like emotional attachment, so run down the price all you want!

Until K-bqu425#$$2 shows up with their family suburban and does a cookie cutter on your lawn for you:)