My Heart Hurts

Things people with my personality don’t say:
  1. “That’s too hard”
  2. “I don’t have enough time”
  3. “My heart hurts”
  4. “I’d rather stay home and read”
“That’s too hard”
I really have no place to put this one because I honestly am more likely to try something stupidly impossible if you tell me you think it would be too hard for me, even if I thought you were right. There’s something of a dare in telling someone they couldn’t possible pull off something too hard, don’t you think? I just don’t like being called a big baby is all..
Last night at our small group Christmas Party Neela must’ve snuck up from the basement and given out forty hugs to conceal the forty post-it notes that said variations of “kick me” on the backs of the parents. That rat. It was pretty funny though.. Apparently it wasn’t “impossible”?
“That’s too hard for you.” And “That’s impossible!” Just mean that it would be for the person saying it, but obviously not for us!
Also in other news other personalities might have a healthier view of failure than my classic “No! I didn’t lose!”. Someone asked me one time “What happens if you don’t win?” To which I responded: “Can you ask the question again please?” with all seriousness. I just assumed they didn’t mean ME. Turns out they did… and it turns out I didn’t, if you know what I mean.
“I don’t have enough time”
Time is a magical thing to me. I don’t get overwhelmed when there’s not enough of it for the work that needs doing, I just assume that a twenty minute job could likely be done in five and keep movin. Granted it took about ten years in one of my careers to realize some things take as long as they take and there’s nothing you can do about it. Even saying that feels like losing!
I don’t think of time like a finite thing that surprises or overwhelms you like some do. It’s more something that can be compressed and expanded depending on what you need. Like compressing a bunch of food into bar form and saving valuable time by eating it in two bites (sometimes followed by trips to the hospital).
Having said that I was once told by a friend owning a medical clinic that she steers clear of people like me for her staff. I was shocked and amused when she said that and asked “Are you serious??” Which can be translated “But don’t you want to WIN?”
Her response was that her staff’s main responsibility is customer relations and keeping the paperwork perfect, as in no one wants to have DUI and DOA mixed up at the police station. I sort of understand that my lack of sympathy and “Just walk it off, princess!” attitude might not play well at the medical clinic, and my hatred of paper and “things with too many words” might hinder the process as well.
She also mentioned that I would get bored with the grind and start causing trouble (excitement), and that really hurt to hear. I totally agreed, but it hurt to hear that she could see through the facade:)
I merely replied that I would be amazing at such motivational speeches as “Ok gang! Great job today, but let’s triple our efforts tomorrow because some of us aren’t performing well are we?” … with a broad smile.
Turns out admin people are actually trying to remove chaos…
“My heart hurts”
AKA “I need friends who won’t hurt my heart”
I still don’t get it.
The only time my heart hurts is when I run too fast after eating too much and my actual physical heart hurts. I’d rather not have friends who chase me immediately after eating so in a way I do need friends who won’t hurt my heart if that’s what we’re talking about.
Things I will say: “My head hurts. My shoulder hurts. My feet hurt.”
Things other people say “My heart hurts”
“I’d rather stay home and read”
Reading is what I do when I’m trying to fall asleep, so it only falls into a tiny window where I’m not interested in reading itself, but in sleeping.
As far as staying home to read and getting all excited about it, I don’t get it. My daughters are readers and especially Arwen. She reads a million books a year, but I don’t know how she does it. One has to stay in one spot a long time to read a book and that’s boring. Sometimes on vacation I’ll force myself to read because NOT doing stuff is apparently the point of vacation. But not at home.
I’ve never to my knowledge been secretly happy when going out with friends plans fall through so I could “stay home and read”, but lots of people are. Introverts I suppose.
All this to say that a world full of the same type of weirdos who: 1 Try stupid impossible things, 2 Attempt to compress time itself, 3. Want friends who don’t make them run after eating, and 4 Don’t enjoy quiet evenings by the fire,
would be one that would never be boring, but always a little scary.
Meaning I’m pretty grateful for all the nice, sane people out there:)
Corey Kope

Pastor. Father of 4 beauties. Devoted husband, Liverpool fan, and Jesus follower.

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