Why I Hate Camping…

I do not understand the purpose of camping… 
We’re just planning our summer camping trips now and every year I find myself both looking forward to the trips and dreading parts of them. 
Luckily when we were planning the Venue Church launch in Airdrie our team suggested doing our Worship Experiences Sunday nights at 6 pm, thinking about how convenient it would be to have from Friday evenings to Sunday mornings for excursions and still being able to attend worship Sunday nights. 
The only trouble is that I don’t really like camping…
I love the people we go with.
I love being in the great outdoors.
I love watching my kids have fun.
I love no cell phone coverage. 
I don’t love tent camping.
I don’t love no TV.
I don’t love bugs.
I don’t love rain-camping.
I don’t love getting my hands dirty.
I don’t love the smell of unwashed bodies including my own.
I don’t particularly like outdoor activities but I also don’t like being bored… so you can see the difficulty here.
Furthermore (getting serious now) it is a matter of principle with me. We spend time and resources keeping our families safe by sealing creepy crawlers and the weatherout of our homes, then under no duress whatsoever give up our basic rights (watching TV, showering, and watching TV while sitting on comfortable couches) to volunteer for a mission that will leave us stinky and doing our own dishes!?? 
It’s time we take the power back!
I’d like to know who the first settler was who went to all the trouble of building a home so his family could survive Alberta winters, only to casually turn his back on his responsibilities and his people? Betrayal at the deepest level of society!
“But don’t your kids have fun camping?”
Of course they do! What kind of child wouldn’t like to revert to being a complete savage if they had the opportunity? Is that responsible parenting? I think we all know the answer I’m looking for. 
“Dear poisonous insects, dangerous UV rays and Beaver Fever: we are coming to YOU! You don’t even have to come to us anymore!”
It’s crazy is what it is! 
The other piece that doesn’t add up is why we would think we’d all get along with each other in 5% of the space we don’t get along with each other in already? Next, let’s take away the conveniences of the 21st Century, the carefully photoshopped outdoors on Instagram, and sit around in uncomfortable camp chairs trying to remember how to have actual conversations with each other face to face? This has the makings of a nightmare!
The only other thing that might help us avoid tent-camping might also hurt our marriage, and that is the purchase of a holiday trailer. It would be nice to slightly avoid the July hailstorms and refrigerate up to two small items in ample (cough cough) trailer fridges, but where Erin and I are stuck is an agenda item that could take as little as three minutes but has yet to do so:
The Trailer Backup.
Erin doesn’t want to do it and I don’t want her to. She also doesn’t want to do the directing for the world’s most impatient man (me:), where her passivity and kindness translate into very insecure instructions for where she would like the trailer to go. Just point where you want it and holler when to stop! It’s not rocket science baby! 
Ever watch how guys direct a backup? We don’t know what we’re doingbutwe’re definitely confident and that makes up for it! I have no problem at all backing someone else’s trailer up that I don’t have to pay the damages for, and it will give me a great story to tell someday if the worst happens. 
Females tend to use words and haven’t developed the same non-verbal communication skills men excel at (grunting and using their eyebrows). Also, men generally seem to be more able to properly prioritize trailer backing over feelings and people but it’s difficult when others don’t share our beliefs. 
I’m sure most people who back trailers have come to a better arrangement than Erin and I have but I’m sure others have felt our pain. Old neighbours of ours went out and bought a beautiful fifth wheel and subsequent truck to pull it, went out one weekend and tried to back it up, then went out the next week and purchased a motorhome instead. 
Ironically we’re still going camping this summer in spite of my poor attitude in spite of the solution I’ve come up with: 
Watch survival shows on TV aboutpeople camping and thank your lucky stars it’s not you!! Just don’t go outside to see the actual stars because you never know what might happen…

2 thoughts on “Why I Hate Camping…

  1. I’m with ya Corey! I like to be clean and hate bugs too! Camping is soooo much work! I tried tent camping last summer at Bible Camp. I lasted 1 night! It sucked! The next night we drove home, slept in our bed, had a shower and drove back to Camp for breakfast. It was awesome! I love nature, I love my kids playing outside so that’s why we moved to an acreage. It’s like camping but we have our house. Your artical was funny and yet made perfect sense to me 🙂 Coreen Wood (Crystal’s sister)

    Liked by 1 person

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