Neela handed this note to Erin on Mothers Day:
“I love you because… You are kind Mom. I also love you because you want a dog. You let me watch Netflix. I love you beaing yourself.” (she’s seven so I left the word in there as spelled because it’s super cute)

Erin is an animal lover. When she lights up and says “Guess who I met today?” it’s always about an animal and not people. I think Erin secretly wishes people were animals and maybe she’s got a point there… not animals in a bad sense, there are enough people who act like animals out there, but animals in the sense of a simple, trusting connection.

You’d think that I would light up and assume she’s talking about a new Golden Retriever in the neighbourhood, but I have never really caught on and still spiral into “You mean you SAW a Golden Retriever? How do you MEET a dog?”

I still don’t get it. Dogs just ARE. Sometimes I see them, sometimes I pet them but I don’t think about them when they’re not there. By the way, if you have a boyfriend who’s like that you should free up some space on your hard drive for an upgrade… just sayin..

I don’t have relationships with animals because I can’t bridge the gap between the two of our species, though there are distinct similarities like how important food is and… other stuff…

We’ve had a Black Lab cross who was an amazing dog, but I think the part I liked most was summoning her whenever I felt like it for no reason at all. It made me feel important and helped on days when I had to deal with contrary humans who were acting like animals. At least with her I knew where we were at. I was the Alpha and therefore could be trusted, though I’m sure that will rankle some younger person whose idea of being in charge is getting everything they want. I wish…

Our Lab’s name was Galadriel and she was supposed to be Erin’s dog but was in name only as I did all of the work. She was also supposed to be an outside dog but sneaky Erin and Galadriel the sneaky dog cooked up a plan to be let in the house “for just one night” when it was raining because she (the dog) was standing and whining by the gate in a downpour just outside of our bedroom window (ironic). This sparked a much cuter sort of whining from inside the house and a promise Erin had no intention of keeping.

And I fell for it… like an idiot.

Why on earth wasn’t Galadriel in her warm and protected (and expensive) doghouse I built enjoying the rain outside? Because she thought she was PEOPLE. And, sadly so did Erin. I didn’t even see it coming. “She’ll be an outside dog Corey. I PROMISE!”

Erin said to me one time a few years later “You know, training a dog wasn’t that difficult was it?”
I replied “That’s because you never did anything.” True statement and she knows it.

Galadriel moved from the garage to the front entry to wherever the heck she wanted to go but I don’t blame her for it, I blame Erin. Who wouldn’t take a free upgrade to becoming a human? It was my wife and her patient conniving which finally seduced me into enabling all of it to happen. That and there are benefits to having a happy wife…

My family never had pets growing up. My folks are farm kids and don’t understand why anybody would have a dog INSIDE a house who doesn’t DO anything but bring personal happiness. My dad told me a tragic and funny story (he’s weird and very practical) about having to put his best friend the Black Lab down when he was a kid, so maybe he never wanted a dog after that and I couldn’t blame him.

That and dad couldn’t understand why an animal would be brought inside a house?? To do what exactly??

When Galadriel finally had the run of the house I would come home from work and hear a peculiar thump-thump in the living room area when I opened the front door. Walking up the short steps I would see Erin on the couch and a very guilty looking dog no longer on the couch with her. …those liquid Lab eyes!

“Oh Master! I know I’m not supposed to be up here but Mom asked me to come up and I had a weak moment again. I know I’m not really people and I know that everything you say and do is right because you’re awesome so please forgive me so tomorrow I can do the same thing again…”

So after being asked a million times “Dad can we have a dog? Dad can we have a dog? Dad can we have a dog?”, I finally figured out a response that has stumped everyone.

“I love your mom and love you girls. I think if your mom wants a dog she should get one because I want her to be happy!”

Checkmate

(Everyone wants a dog but no one wants to clean up after it.)

PS. This will probably result in us getting a dog.