The Whole Hearted. Shame on You!

Don’t we all envy whole hearted people?

I mean people who can somehow walk into a situation where they know that doing the right thing or standing up for a cause means taking a beating for it? They walk in with a rueful smile and out with one and do the same thing the next day too.
These are people I want in my corner. These are people I want to be like.
Fearless decisions in the face of great fear. Courage under fire. They build while their critics try to tear them down. Man I like those kind of people!

My daughter Neela is amazing. She doesn’t take no for an answer and views life with an energetic positivity that my mom says reminds her of me at that age. I can’t help but think: “Why can’t it remind you of me right now?” Did the past 33 years take something out of me? I mean Neela doesn’t just seize the day, she seizes the day and throttles it! “Just wait until she learns about Responsibility! That’ll slow her down…” Actually why should it? If we raise her to be whole hearted she can be responsible and fearless and still throttle the day! Why not?
Pain is just part of the package to Neela. She doesn’t obsess about avoiding it, she walks in and throttles it too! She gets up and tries doing whatever hurt her just a little bit faster, as though a lack of speed was part of the problem. I love it! She is resilient. Nothing gets her down for too long (except when she breaks tiny toys and cries her eyes out for five minutes as if the world is coming to an end. She’s still a five year old girl:)

“Shame resilience: the ability to recognize shame, to move through it constructively while maintaining worthiness and authenticity, and to ultimately develop more courage, compassion and connection as a result of our experience.” Brene Brown

     That is exactly what whole hearted people are like and exactly what I want to be when I grow up! Walk through the fire and come through with more courage, compassion and connection? “But you don’t know what my past is like!”  Don’t you see the beauty of it? It doesn’t matter what happened that got you to this place you don’t like. Your life no longer depends on other people doing the right thing for you to be who you ought to be! It depends on you. Remember: your thinking determines how you feel about your circumstance and therefore determines your behaviour and your reality. Change your thinking and change your reality. How empowering!

There is another aspect that you need to consider to be whole hearted and that is this: Spirituality.

“Spirituality? That’s a crutch for weak people!”

Is it though? Or is it just your argument because it’s easier for you to critique something than it is for you to look into it yourself? Gravity affects both idiots and the wise. Nobody looks at gravity itself and says “Only weak people fall, ergo gravity is a crutch for the balance-challenged!”  It’s ridiculous to view a principle as if your thinking affects it at all. “I don’t believe in gravity!”  Whatever helps you sleep at night sweetheart…
You might be smarter than those who fall all the time, but isn’t it because you understand the principle better than they do? You walk in the same direction as it does. You test it to figure it out, then you roll with the punches and live a life where gravity is more likely to drop the fruit of a tree into your hand than it is to plunge your car off a cliff. It can be a blessing or a curse. You decide. You have the power.

Brene Brown asked her academic colleagues (keeping in mind academia is largely adverse to anything that you can’t think your way out of by yourself):     “Is spirituality a necessary component for resilience?”  Their response? “Yes”  Isn’t that interesting? Ok so what is spirituality anyways? Holding hands and singing Kumbaya? (I hope not because it’s super boring)

Try this: “The only experience that is broad and fierce enough to combat shame is the belief that we’re all in this together, and that something greater than us has the capacity to bring love and compassion into our lives.” Brene Brown

Translation? You can’t always fix everything by yourself. I always silently laugh in a very mean spirited way when a young dating couple tell me something ridiculous when asked very practical questions about how they think their possible marriage will stand the test of time like “But we have love!” or “We have a song!”  You young idiots! Everybody has a freaking song! Maybe you can sing it when the weight of the world falls on you and sprinkle some pixie dust and fly off to Neverland? My heads wants to explode when I get condescending lectures from a younger version of myself.

Truth? If your life hasn’t fallen apart yet it just hasn’t happened yet. You won’t listen to me or your parents and certainly won’t read blogs like this because you haven’t discovered this terrifying reality: you won’t be strong enough on your own for what’s coming. I wasn’t. My wife wasn’t. You can cough into your hand and think your strength of mind or will won’t come up short but the stronger you are the older you’ll be when the train falls off the tracks. Unless you’re smart. But strong people don’t have to be that smart, or maybe you’ve noticed that?

Truth: 1. We’re all in this together.
Truth: 2. Something greater than you can bring love and acceptance.

Ignore these at your peril! If you don’t have the insight to immediately recognize truth when you hear it….FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT!

Application? DO life with a community of people, and understand that there is a God who is greater than you are and loves you anyways. You will always land on your feet.

Or continue falling down and cursing gravity…


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